When I first decided to live the virtue of chastity, including saving myself for marriage, it seemed a wise choice. Avoiding some nasty consequences and being a unique gift to my future husband made sense. But, I was unprepared for the deluge of pressure I’d encounter in college. Attending fraternity parties, watching couples seemingly everywhere and even viewing countless chick-flicks with my friends seemed to set me up for FOMO (fear of missing out). Trusting in God’s plan for my life, including being more selective about who I dated and how I spent my time, was deeply challenging, especially when cute boys showed attention and affection. FOMO began growing in my heart – my mind and longings were disconnected.
One Sunday night, before our sorority chapter, a group gathered to discuss the weekend. One of my best friends lost her virginity the night before. Everyone wanted details, except me. I sat down and joined in anyway. Without too much description, she concluded and another sorority sister, the girl next to her, briefly recounted her first experience. Then, they went around the circle doing the same, each girl describing either her boyfriend at the time or her “one-night-stand”. When it came to being my turn, they almost skipped over me, knowing I didn’t have a story to share. Something prompted me to speak up anyway. I said that I’d share the most romantic night of my life.
Brian and I were very good friends from high school and this particular summer we talked on the phone every single night, often for two hours. I was leaving for college in a few days when ventured out to a local park late one night. We walked through the woods, held hands and even held each other. We did not kiss that night, but almost watched the sunrise. When I finished telling the girls my story, one of them looked at me and said, “Wait a minute…why is your story so much better than ours?!?” Other heads nodded in agreement.
At that moment, everything changed for me internally. The truth of God’s call to chastity moved from merely being in my head to being in my heart. If chastity was about having more moments like this, more moments like the one I had with Brian, then I wanted chastity. And, if what my friends experienced left them longing for something else, maybe I wasn’t the one who was missing out. There was real FOMO in the room for the challenging yet beautiful call to virtue.
Chastity became easier when I wasn’t tempted by other types of relationships. As a peer counselor in the sorority, I heard more and more stories that looked nothing like romance movies, music videos or images on magazine covers. Young women, my friends, were not living happy, fulfilled lives through hooking up, or even long-term sexual relationships. I experienced real freedom in this part of my life. I did not choose chastity because I “had to”, like an oppressive rule was dictating me. I lived this way because I desired this virtue with all my heart. I wanted Jesus, who loved me enough to call me to something better than what the world offers. As St. Augustine said, “Love, and do what you will”. Or Psalm 40, “O Lord, Your Law is written on my heart.”
St. John Paul the Great came to St. Louis in 1999 and specifically challenged young people embrace the call to holiness and to chastity. For all the virtues I still need, for all the areas where I am not yet free, I have FOMO. If chastity has brought this much joy for me, I don’t want to miss out on all the goodness and graces that come from all the virtues God calls me to embrace. And when I am slow in becoming more virtuous and start to be discouraged, I remember the words of St. John Paul the Great. “Christ is calling you; the Church needs you; the Pope believes in you and he expects great things of you!”