When I first decided to live the virtue of chastity, including saving myself for marriage, it seemed a wise choice. Avoiding some nasty consequences and being a unique gift to my future husband made sense. But, I was unprepared for the deluge of pressure I’d encounter in college. Attending fraternity parties, watching couples seemingly everywhere and even viewing countless chick-flicks with my friends seemed to set me up for FOMO (fear of missing out). Trusting in God’s plan for my life, including being more selective about who I dated and how I spent my time, was deeply challenging, especially when cute boys showed attention and affection. FOMO began growing in my heart – my mind and longings were disconnected.
One Sunday night, before our sorority chapter, a group gathered to discuss the weekend. One of my best friends lost her virginity the night before. Everyone wanted details, except me. I sat down and joined in anyway. Without too much description, she concluded and another sorority sister, the girl next to her, briefly recounted her first experience. Then, they went around the circle doing the same, each girl describing either her boyfriend at the time or her “one-night-stand”. When it came to being my turn, they almost skipped over me, knowing I didn’t have a story to share. Something prompted me to speak up anyway. I said that I’d share the most romantic night of my life.
Brian and I were very good friends from high school and this particular summer we talked on the phone every single night, often for two hours. I was leaving for college in a few days when ventured out to a local park late one night. We walked through the woods, held hands and even held each other. We did not kiss that night, but almost watched the sunrise. When I finished telling the girls my story, one of them looked at me and said, “Wait a minute…why is your story so much better than ours?!?” Other heads nodded in agreement.
At that moment, everything changed for me internally. The truth of God’s call to chastity moved from merely being in my head to being in my heart. If chastity was about having more moments like this, more moments like the one I had with Brian, then I wanted chastity. And, if what my friends experienced left them longing for something else, maybe I wasn’t the one who was missing out. There was real FOMO in the room for the challenging yet beautiful call to virtue.
Chastity became easier when I wasn’t tempted by other types of relationships. As a peer counselor in the sorority, I heard more and more stories that looked nothing like romance movies, music videos or images on magazine covers. Young women, my friends, were not living happy, fulfilled lives through hooking up, or even long-term sexual relationships.
Through my deepening relationship with Jesus, I received His grace to see the culture with new eyes and to cling to Him with everything. With Jesus, more closely united than ever before, I experienced true happiness and real freedom in this part of my life. I did not choose chastity because I “had to”, like an oppressive rule dictating me. I lived this way because I desired it with all my heart. I wanted Jesus, who loved me enough to call me to something better than what the world offers. Psalm 40, “O Lord, Your Law is written on my heart.”
Within a year of college graduation, I learned Theology of the Body – St. John Paul the Great’s amazing teachings on the meaning of life and love. I wanted to run back to the sorority house and share all this amazing truth with my sisters! I knew Christ’s love, mercy and forgiveness, but now had a way to share it clearly with others. I suppose this explains why I went on to become a chastity educator for over 7 years and continue to teach these amazing truths with my husband, 25 years later.
FOMO falls away when we are united to Christ. If it creeps in at all, it often is for the many virtues where I do not yet experience much freedom. I want more grace and goodness, so I can love as Jesus loves. On this journey toward perfect union with Christ, instead of missing out, I gain everything.